Hi all ... please listen and watch this song video .. recorded by American top country music artist Miranda Lambert... it was released in January 2013 and written by Brandy Clark, Shane McAnally, and Kacey Musgraves ... While watching this video ... I received some healing and revelation for my own life that I would like to share with you....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yg05svXp98
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yg05svXp98
Here are the words to the song ..
Miranda Lambert – Mama's Broken Heart
I cut my bangs with some rusty kitchen scissors
I screamed his name til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don't know what I did next all I know, I couldn't stop
Word got around to the barflies and the baptists
My mama's phone started ringin' off the hook
I can hear her now sayin' she ain't gonna have it
Don't matter how you feel, it only matters how you look
Go and fix your make up girl it's, just a break up run an'
Hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady 'cause I
Raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart,
But this ain't my mama's broken heart
I wish I could be just a little less dramatic like a,
Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin' the matches
When the fire trucks show up and there's nobody else to blame
Can't get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face
Go and fix your make up girl it's, just a break up run an'
Hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady 'cause I
Raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart,
But this ain't my mama's broken heart
Powder your nose, paint your toes line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I's and never let 'em see you cry
Go and fix your make up girl it's, just a break up run an'
Hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady 'cause I
Raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart,
But this ain't my mama's broken heart
I screamed his name til the neighbors called the cops
I numbed the pain at the expense of my liver
Don't know what I did next all I know, I couldn't stop
Word got around to the barflies and the baptists
My mama's phone started ringin' off the hook
I can hear her now sayin' she ain't gonna have it
Don't matter how you feel, it only matters how you look
Go and fix your make up girl it's, just a break up run an'
Hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady 'cause I
Raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart,
But this ain't my mama's broken heart
I wish I could be just a little less dramatic like a,
Kennedy when Camelot went down in flames
Leave it to me to be holdin' the matches
When the fire trucks show up and there's nobody else to blame
Can't get revenge and keep a spotless reputation
Sometimes revenge is a choice you gotta make
My mama came from a softer generation
Where you get a grip and bite your lip just to save a little face
Go and fix your make up girl it's, just a break up run an'
Hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady 'cause I
Raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart,
But this ain't my mama's broken heart
Powder your nose, paint your toes line your lips and keep 'em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I's and never let 'em see you cry
Go and fix your make up girl it's, just a break up run an'
Hide your crazy and start actin' like a lady 'cause I
Raised you better, gotta keep it together even when you fall apart,
But this ain't my mama's broken heart
The Mother in this song is ultra conservative, and cares
more about reputation, how things look to others, and keeping appearances, than even her daughter’s own feelings. She conducts herself at a high level of
“perfection” and expects the same from her daughter. The
mama sermons her constantly about what she should and shouldn't do to keep
herself and the family reputation to the point that the poor girl cannot even
express her emotions when she feels like she is falling apart.
Instead of being the parent who accepts her daughter unconditionally, there are rules and regulations to that love to keep up appearances.. If you have everything in place .. then you are loved, together enough, thin enough, if your stockings have not even the smallest run, if everything in your room is in order, if you fold the towels correctly and the list goes on. There is constant badgering on what the person needs to do or not do to be accepted. And in reality control is never satisfied, there are always more regulations and sets of standards to live up to. It can be exhausting. It is living under “law” and not “love”. The letter of the law kills, but the spirit (love) gives life. (2 Corinthians 3:6). God loved us when we were yet sinners/less than perfect. He loved us and accepted us where we were at .. it is the whole story of the gospel. No one could do what was in the law and God knew that. The law was set in place for us to see that we could NOT meet the standards that were set. That is why we needed a Savior , someone who was perfect to stand in our place .. Only true and perfect love accepts someone unconditionally.
Instead of being the parent who accepts her daughter unconditionally, there are rules and regulations to that love to keep up appearances.. If you have everything in place .. then you are loved, together enough, thin enough, if your stockings have not even the smallest run, if everything in your room is in order, if you fold the towels correctly and the list goes on. There is constant badgering on what the person needs to do or not do to be accepted. And in reality control is never satisfied, there are always more regulations and sets of standards to live up to. It can be exhausting. It is living under “law” and not “love”. The letter of the law kills, but the spirit (love) gives life. (2 Corinthians 3:6). God loved us when we were yet sinners/less than perfect. He loved us and accepted us where we were at .. it is the whole story of the gospel. No one could do what was in the law and God knew that. The law was set in place for us to see that we could NOT meet the standards that were set. That is why we needed a Savior , someone who was perfect to stand in our place .. Only true and perfect love accepts someone unconditionally.
The girl SNAPS in the song after a break up with a man who
probably left her for someone else. It
was the straw that causes her to explode with emotion and do an extreme thing
.. by putting her ex’s house on fire .. The song is very excessive in her
behavior, and in reality not the "Christian way" to handle matters.. But, for her heart to be heard having to do with the prison she had been
forced to be in after years of hiding frustrations, she explodes. Actually her anger is
more about her mother and what her mother had done to her over the years .. but
the act of her ex somehow rejecting her or perhaps some of her shortcomings,
or perhaps the feeling she was not accepted as she was, was
enough to tilt the scale for her to lose it.
I began to see that the reason this song has gone viral and sold
so tremendously well, and has been the topic of several well known TV talk programs,
is because so many women can relate to this song. Although I believe the way
this woman handled her “had enough” was way out of bounds, crazy.... I do feel it made the point of where she was and how frustrated she had become with having to do everything “right” in life. This break up was just the thing that tipped
the scales for her. Well, actually what
tipped the scales was the fact that her mother was more concerned that her daughter would bring shame to her by acting in a stupid way then acting like a caring mother who would be concerned about her daughter's feelings. Keeping up appearances is such a sad way to have to live. And expectations from parents, friends, and even our own children on how we should act in the midst of hurt can lead a person to close down.
When I heard this song last night while writing down the
words to send to a friend, the words >>>>> “and never let ‘em see
you cry” … hit me hard in my spirit. I called my friend Geoff in the midst of this revelation i was having and we talked for hours .... I was getting delivered!
I had known that I could cry for others and at sad movies etc .. but to cry for myself.. that just didn't happen very often at all. The men in my life found that perplexing and could not figure out why that was. I found it puzzling myself. But, I realized from the song that was the way I was raised .. being told .. ” just get over it or you can get over this, “you don’t have to cry”.. you are made of strong stock, keep a stiff upper lips so to speak … I was held as a child if I fell and was comforted though, and could cry at sad movies or if it had to do with things like people who were sick or going through difficulties. I could cry in church with things pertaining to God. Then it was acceptable to cry. I also felt that women used crying as a ploy and I really hated manipulation, and so that was another reason to keep my tears to myself. Over the years I found it hard to cry even if I was alone. So I learned to bury my emotions .. I was not even allowed to show anger or negative emotions when I grew up. No temper tantrums, no stomping my feet, nothing. So what does one do with their emotions when they can’t express their feelings??? They stuff them.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea... i had amazing parents who truly loved and cared for me ... and I had an incredible childhood.... great friends, popularity ... etc .... but there was always those expectations of perfectionism and extraordinary behavior that was expected ... I call it the "Country Club Facade'" ... I hated going to the County Club and having to wear certain shoes in different areas . no flip flops here ... no slacks there ... it was so confusing !!!
I had known that I could cry for others and at sad movies etc .. but to cry for myself.. that just didn't happen very often at all. The men in my life found that perplexing and could not figure out why that was. I found it puzzling myself. But, I realized from the song that was the way I was raised .. being told .. ” just get over it or you can get over this, “you don’t have to cry”.. you are made of strong stock, keep a stiff upper lips so to speak … I was held as a child if I fell and was comforted though, and could cry at sad movies or if it had to do with things like people who were sick or going through difficulties. I could cry in church with things pertaining to God. Then it was acceptable to cry. I also felt that women used crying as a ploy and I really hated manipulation, and so that was another reason to keep my tears to myself. Over the years I found it hard to cry even if I was alone. So I learned to bury my emotions .. I was not even allowed to show anger or negative emotions when I grew up. No temper tantrums, no stomping my feet, nothing. So what does one do with their emotions when they can’t express their feelings??? They stuff them.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea... i had amazing parents who truly loved and cared for me ... and I had an incredible childhood.... great friends, popularity ... etc .... but there was always those expectations of perfectionism and extraordinary behavior that was expected ... I call it the "Country Club Facade'" ... I hated going to the County Club and having to wear certain shoes in different areas . no flip flops here ... no slacks there ... it was so confusing !!!
Being controlled in ways by a parent who expects
“perfection” in life is a very difficult way to live especially when one has
been taught respect for elders and honoring, because one feels like they are
caught in a web of not wanting to dishonor parents by speaking out, and yet
feeling trapped. They even begin to
blame themselves for being angry in their mind about feeling controlled by
someone who is overbearing. It is not
surprising that many “retreat” and backcrab to find a safe place to hid when
they are feeling helpless. Perhaps it is
not even a parent’s expectations that can cause someone to hid when hurt. Perhaps it is feelings of not accepting
oneself or feeling not accepted by peers or teachers or other family
members. Feelings of unimportance, or
popularity, or being included, or insecurities .. all these can prey on a person
and cause them to retreat into a shell.
That was not my case thank God .. I was popular and upbeat with a pollyannna attitude in life and hmmm the cup is half full and not empty type mindset.
My late husband had all his natural needs met as a young person, but his emotional tank was left wanting. There was very little human touch or communication that was meaningful in his family, no one really was involved enough to get to know him and to train him in how to relate in this world .. He went to private school and felt lonely. and so he retreated to what he called the “cave of self pity”. Thank God when I met him he had overcome and was a strong self confident man .. popular and filled with purpose and direction.
He said he spent much time waiting there for someone to rescue him when he was younger ... public display of affection was frowned upon in his family ... a gentle touch or smile or pat was the norm . and he so yearned for affection. he finally came to the realization that the only one who cared enough to come to his aid was the Lord. Some people who are like this may even appear shy or retiring when all the time all they need is to feel welcome and received. That wasnt the case with Bart, he became very outgoing and was involved in so many things, and excellent at all of them~ He made an inner vow that one day he would put his whole heart into being all he could be and that he would love the woman in his life with every fiber of his being. He kept that promise with me !!! God is amazing how he turns things around!
That was not my case thank God .. I was popular and upbeat with a pollyannna attitude in life and hmmm the cup is half full and not empty type mindset.
My late husband had all his natural needs met as a young person, but his emotional tank was left wanting. There was very little human touch or communication that was meaningful in his family, no one really was involved enough to get to know him and to train him in how to relate in this world .. He went to private school and felt lonely. and so he retreated to what he called the “cave of self pity”. Thank God when I met him he had overcome and was a strong self confident man .. popular and filled with purpose and direction.
He said he spent much time waiting there for someone to rescue him when he was younger ... public display of affection was frowned upon in his family ... a gentle touch or smile or pat was the norm . and he so yearned for affection. he finally came to the realization that the only one who cared enough to come to his aid was the Lord. Some people who are like this may even appear shy or retiring when all the time all they need is to feel welcome and received. That wasnt the case with Bart, he became very outgoing and was involved in so many things, and excellent at all of them~ He made an inner vow that one day he would put his whole heart into being all he could be and that he would love the woman in his life with every fiber of his being. He kept that promise with me !!! God is amazing how he turns things around!
So, what does such a person do to stand up for themselves
when they feel out of control? Some rebel. They do something that nothing
can be done about .. they smoke, drink, play hooky from school, , make poor
friend choices, dress in a rebellious way, do drugs, eat too much, wear their
hair in a bizarre way, have sex with many partners, steal from a candy store, get involved with pornography, do poorly in school, and the like. Pick your poison. They do something that they cannot be
controlled with. They do something to
make them feel “pseudo” good about themselves.
It is a temporary “fix”. But, they feel they are at least doing
something to take back a sense of “self”. Do they get in trouble for such things at
times? Yes.. but they feel they have to
do something to gain some sort of victory in their lives. I am blessed that I did not take that route nor did Bart ... we were the original "goodie two shoes'!! Except i did smoke .. thank God I was delivered from that or i know i would be dead today . three packs a day is poison...
And so the cycle continues until they become old enough to
not be under the parents thumb, mature enough to figure out their behavior is
hurting no one but themselves or enlightened to the fact that they don’t have
to walk in destructive conduct anymore. The
best thing is to come to the realization that no one is perfect except for God
and to try to live up to impossible standards is ridiculous. To just try to be the best that you can be in
life is the ideal. When one learns to
accept themselves right where they are, and to love themselves sincerely in
that place, then it becomes easy not to care or be swayed by what others
think.
Another way to come to a place of wholeness is to find a safe and secure place where one can express these hidden/stuffed feelings and get them out. I found solise in a Christian Single's site after my husband died from a brain tumor in 2004. I had done quite a bit of counseling with others before I joined this site and as I was "Sleepless in Florida" after my husband's death, the cha troom was a good place for me to express my feelings and sorrow as I was going through the process of losing my "best Friend" ... there were others who were going through the same things with death of a spouse or divorce so we had things in common. There were those in the chat rooms who just listened and loved and others who were who I called the "religious Pharisee" set who would always be giving their words of advise on how one could live their life more perfectly as I call it or just give some glib scripture that we are to rejoice in all things .. or that we just needed to forgive God or ourselves .. etc... and then there were those who encouraged people to just be themselves and vent their feelings .. so the toxic thoughts and actions could be exposed and they could then heal. Such people helped others through the process of all the "WHYs" and "WHAT IF's" in life and all the unrealistic expectations. A person who will not condemn or judge others as they go through this time is truly an example of "one who bears another's burdens, and I believe very pleasing to God.
Another way to come to a place of wholeness is to find a safe and secure place where one can express these hidden/stuffed feelings and get them out. I found solise in a Christian Single's site after my husband died from a brain tumor in 2004. I had done quite a bit of counseling with others before I joined this site and as I was "Sleepless in Florida" after my husband's death, the cha troom was a good place for me to express my feelings and sorrow as I was going through the process of losing my "best Friend" ... there were others who were going through the same things with death of a spouse or divorce so we had things in common. There were those in the chat rooms who just listened and loved and others who were who I called the "religious Pharisee" set who would always be giving their words of advise on how one could live their life more perfectly as I call it or just give some glib scripture that we are to rejoice in all things .. or that we just needed to forgive God or ourselves .. etc... and then there were those who encouraged people to just be themselves and vent their feelings .. so the toxic thoughts and actions could be exposed and they could then heal. Such people helped others through the process of all the "WHYs" and "WHAT IF's" in life and all the unrealistic expectations. A person who will not condemn or judge others as they go through this time is truly an example of "one who bears another's burdens, and I believe very pleasing to God.
That is my prayer for all of us.. that
we come to this place of surrendering all the "whys" that we hold on
to and realize that we are free to be ourselves .. the best version of
ourselves without feeling forced or pushed.
God gives us free will .. the freedom to choose life in all its great
aspects .. He gives u the ability to let go of past hurts, unforgiveness, blame and feelings of inadequacy. Let's do it together .... I for one can say
that I love you ALL unconditionally.
With Love...
Reverend Donna Trexler Geertz
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