BROKEN HEARTS
My friend Lynne sent the word below entitled “Broken Hearts”.She has been feeling a leading from the Lord to open a blog for women, who are healing from broken hearts. Of course men are included too.. especially men sometimes as they find it hard to reach out for a life preserver when going through hard times. Because they are not generally as interpersonal as women, they tend to have questions, but don't know where to go to have them answered. (I will give you her blog address as soon as she has it up and running.Just request the information at my email address at the end of this blog.
As I was thinking about this and feeling this would be such a needed and important ministry for my friend, I was also remembering the time in my own life after my late husband died, when I was going through a dark night of the soul, and adjusting to being a widow. No matter what kind of relationship loss or difficulty you are going through, whether it be the death of a loved one, divorce, hard breakup, separation, just finding it hard to keep up the fight for a relationship, recovering from a cheating partner, or other, the thing that remains the same, is that it can be devastating for the one going through it. It can turn your whole world upside down.
So, what should your main emphasis be during the loss or difficulty of someone of significance in your life?If you can wrap your mind and heart around these words you will become stronger and will gain wisdom,
“WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE”?
Growing is a natural thing, when we stop growing we become stagnant. All of our life experiences have purpose.Sometimes we do not understand the reasons, however if we will allow God in to our brokenness His will for our lives will begin to be revealed.I can share with you a truth, with all I have gone through in my life, The Lord has been my light in the darkness. When all is said and done the KEY is to take our broken and bleeding heart to our Creator for mending and letting Him do the work of recreating us from within. Jesus is wanting to get to the roots of problems to heal us. Some of our situations are due to our partner dying and others are due to so many other reasons. In most cases, having one near to us die is not our fault, but as with me, there were still lessons God wanted me to learn in the process of healing.
This poem below entitled “Broken Heart” is such a blessing, and I love the part where the child snatches the broken toy/heart back thinking God is taking too much time repairing it!I am praying today that each one who has a broken heart will present it to the Toy Maker for repair.May you lay down your broken and tattered heart to the Lord for restoration and experience a complete work. The changes need to take place in us. I pray you will come out of this experience revived with new life and purpose and a blessed assurance that you are never alone with Christ.
BROKEN HEARTS
The Lord is Close to the Brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18)
As children bring their broken toys
With tears, for us to mend
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He is my friend
But then, instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone;
I hung around and tried to help
In ways that were my own
He didn’t do at all the things
I thought that He should do;
He didn’t mend my broken dreams;
He didn’t make them new
In fact He seemed quite nonchalant,
As though He didn’t care
So I increased with holy zeal
My intercessory prayer
Watching, waiting for His hand
To do what I had prayed
But nothing I could say or do
Helped Him on His way!
At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How can you be so slow”?
“My child,” He lovingly replied,
You never did let go!”
(James Ryle)
My main ministry during the time after my late husband’s death was to men and women who had lost someone near and dear to them through either death or hurtful breakups. They were trying to learn how to adjust after the loss of someone significant. Going through the process of broken dreams and commitments is so painful. Much that you have hoped for seems to have gone up in a puff of smoke. Letting go and letting God sounds like simplistic words when your heart is breaking, but God’s love will help you and it is the KEY to your healing and wholeness.
In this article I will share several ways, and things that might help you in your own time of distress.These are just suggestions I have found to be healing over the years and also, in my own experiences.
The mourning process is slow and there are many stages one must go through to become whole. Emotions can go up and down like a roller coaster and finding solid ground while reeling at the same time is not easy.At first you might be in shock, feel numb, cry all the time, or not be able to cry, perhaps you will not want to eat, or will eat everything in sight or go through times of both. You may want to run to a closet or a trip to hide and lick your wounds, or perhaps you will want to go to a friend and pour out all that your damaged heart is saying... maybe both.Allowing yourself and giving yourself permission to grieve is a healthy way to ease the healing process and will bring you to a quicker and more complete recovery. There are awesome benefits in times of solitude.
Another good thing to do is to realize you need to give yourself a break.Expecting that you will be 100% healed after a traumatizing occurrence will just cause more grief.Just give yourself room to breathe. Some people are under the old assumption that when you are hurt, just pick yourself up and get over it.It is not that easy in reality.You can help yourself by adding some activities that are fun for you and you alone.Take yourself and Jesus on a picnic; go get your hair done, a massage perhaps, a day at the beach or mountains with your favorite new book.You get the picture right?And, keep telling yourself “this is NOT forever; I will get better with the help of the Lord”.Oh, and another thing I have found to be so helpful is to read the Psalms for nighttime for peace, and the Proverbs in the morning for wisdom.There are 31 chapters in Proverbs, so one for each day of the month! Make up a journal of your thoughts and the things you have been meditating on during this new journey you are going through. Share these thoughts with someone who can pray with you.
Hearing words of comfort are important and necessary, but during this time, a broken hearted person feels so totally alone and abandoned and even scared, especially at night when all is quiet. At those times we can especially feel our aloneness. The times when it seems no one is there to understand what we are going through or to comfort us. I so encourage men and women to turn on a CD and play some worship music.Realizing that Christ is our answer to all our “heart” problems is the key to our healing.The answer is not a man or a woman for our wholeness, but God wants us to become whole in Him. People who are in need of a mate / boyfriend / girlfriend /companion to make them complete will find in time this is never the way to happiness.This type of thinking only leads to bad choices and actions which will not bear good fruit in our lives.
Two halves never make one whole.God desires for us to become whole in Him and to allow Him the time to prepare a mate for us, handpicked and ordained of God.But first and foremost, our heart needs to be sincerely sold out for our King.Feeling lost during this time is an opportunity for finding our true identity in the Lord. He is a jealous God, and our way to completeness and joy is to come to that place of understanding and peace. Take the time to really get to know your Creator, the lover of your soul, and the time to become comfortable in being alone.Some people have never been alone for any extended period of time. Come and lavish everything you were, are and hope to be at His feet and come to find your greatest joy in Him. If we will be quiet and open, we will begin to find out how to be content in the Lord no matter when or where. When we are alone it gives us time to reflect on our lives and to contemplate where we have been and where we are going, what is important in our lives and realizing God is enough for us.
My friend wrote a word for me when I was going through a dark night of the soul experience I will post it now .. so much truth in it. It was not just for me, I believe, but for many as she has shared it over the years with those going through rough times, and it is as fresh today and healing as the day she received it from God. Thank you JoAnn Parrott for loving me back to health.
Here is the song birthed this morning for you,
for the Bride.I love you.
You are altogether lovely
IS IT ENOUGH FOR YOU?You are altogether lovely
Is it enough for you, just to be my friend
Is it enough for you that my love will never end
Is it enough for you that I died to set you free
Is it enough for you to place your trust in Me
Is it enough for you when the way isn't clear
Is it enough for you to know that I am near
Is it enough for you that My Word is your light
Is it enough for you to guide you through the night
Am I enough for you when your heart is filled with fear
Am I enough for you, My love dries every tear
Am I enough for you, what else would you desire
Am I enough for you when you pass through the fire
Am I enough for you when you think it's all in vain
Am I enough for you to comfort all your pain
Am I enough for you as my life through you is told
Am I enough for you as you come forth as gold
Say I'm enough for you just to be your friend
Say I'm enough for you, our love will never end
Say I'm enough for you, hold My hand & walk with Me
Say I'm enough for you, My Beloved Bride you'll be.
Song from the Lord given to JoAnn Parrott,
Simply Sonshine 1998
My footnote: We could lose it all, but if we have our precious Jesus, that’s all that matters.. God is teaching us all to come back to our first love.. and to be content.. help us all to refocus on what is important and eternal.. help us Lord to continue to trust you even when we don’t understand.. that is the TRUE essence of what FAITH is all about .. I want us all to permeate with His essence of trust .. trust and obey ..
Helping others by volunteering is a prescription I give to those going through the stress and sadness of the death of a relationship. Please remember that meeting other’s needs is a good way to help us heal, as in the process we take our attention off ourselves on to others. Helping others is something Jesus did on a daily basis. It doesn’t have to be some huge feat, simply praying for someone is one way, or perhaps make a cake for a person going though difficulties with the words “God Loves You” and putting it on a plate that does not have to be returned to you, babysitting for someone who needs to have a night to themselves, serving at a soup kitchen.There are so many ways we can serve and volunteer.
Questions you may want to think about and ask yourself during your healing period:
Please note: Some of the questions below are for people who are going through breakups / divorces / separations and such. I have another set of questions for widows / widowers and those who have lost their partners.If you will send me an email and request them, I will be happy to send them to you. donnatrex@yahoo.com
Where do I find my identity? Is my identity in money and prestige? Do I find my identity in the person I am with, good looks etc.. Do I find my identity in who God says I am?
Where can I put all these intense feelings I am experiencing? Am I bringing my broken heart to the Lord, or am I trying to fix it myself? Am I seeking out people who can support and energize me during this time? Am I verbalizing what is going on in my heart and mind and asking for prayer
Am I realizing I need to give myself time and a break and just breathe in and out for a while or am I running from this pain?The only way I could cope with the loss of my late husband was to run.It was so overwhelming to me, I could not stop running. Even a life threatening bout of arterial fibrillation didn’t stop my running.I felt if I kept going, maybe the nightmare would all go away, and my heart racing was an outward example of what was happening inside my emotions.Only God’s love and compassion can heal our racing hearts.He is our Good Shepherd and reaches out to us while we are trying to hide the truth. At this time, we need to come beside the still waters and be still and quiet before the Lord.
During this time of self evaluation and discovery, you will need to ask why this all happened so you don’t repeat the process if this is through a break up.Being totally honest with yourself is imperative. No blaming him/her or yourself here, just a real evaluation of how this happened. If this does not occur and a real heart change does not take place, we will most likely have a repeat performance of events. You may not be able to save the relationship you are in, but being brutally honest with yourself and most importantly having a teachable spirit for change will be what will enable you to heal from the inside, out.
What were the events leading to this breakup? Did the relationship start by breaking up a marriage or other relationship?Where there differences on how to use money? Did it start in rebellion such as someone leaving home to run away with a boyfriend/girlfriend?Was it a co-dependent relationship?Were you a clinger or non communicative? Did you talk too much and not really listen. Did you kep the romance burning? Were you a responsible partner? Did you go above and beyond and overboard for your partner? Were you on the same page culturally and spiritually? Did you try to control your partner? Where there drugs, alcohol, abuse illicit sex involved or addictions?Was there a big age difference? Children problems?
It will be important for you to understand why you chose your former partner.Of course everyone wants to feel they were in “love”.But, real love is not what many think.Real love is patient and willing to wait, it is committed, it thinks of the other person first, willing to admit when wrong and many other things. These are a few reasons why people marry: Lust and not love, not willing to wait for the right time, but seeking self pleasure. Some people have a fear of being alone? Perhaps you were infatuated with your partner, his/her good looks, personality, or position?Did he/she have a salary that could give you financial security? Were you abandoned or not made to feel special or number one growing up or in other relationships and desired someone to fill that void?Maybe you felt you could change this person to what you wanted?Seeking the reasons why can help you prevent the same thing from happening.You may need some personal counsel or help to get to the root of your broken relationships.
Have you forgiven everyone involved?Forgiveness will pave the way for freedom for you.When something like this happens it is common to play the blame game.You can blame the people involved, your partner, yourself, others, maybe even God.Unforgiveness will keep you bound to the situation and will prevent you from moving forward.
In any case, making it your priority to find out everything you possibly can about getting yourself ready for a healthy relationship and about good solid and common sense advise will be a great tool to help you step in to the new and wonderful life planned for you by God’s hand.
PS As a side note: I met my husband Joe in an intercessory prayer room while chatting on an online dating service (christianmingle.com) a year after my late husband’s passing. I met many wonderful people who were struggling with the same things I was.I am still friends with many of them and chat with them regularly. My purpose was not to seek out a mate, but to chat with others who were going through what I was online. So, there are success stories!! God is good.Common sense will tell us to be careful with online dating service.There are many people out there ready to pounce on unsuspecting, desperate and hurting people.I have seen this happen to men and women I minister to.Many men and women are just seeking someone to fill their own loneliness, or there are those who are gold diggers who read the profiles very carefully seeking someone who might have money.
For example one man I know ended up sending money for a woman from another country to come and meet him... goodbye money, goodbye counterfeit woman.Here is another scam just as an example..A woman met a man with a fake preteen son and bogus pictures of someone who was supposedly wealthy and worked in South Africa. After a brief online encounter he professed his endearing love for her and, within a short time wrote and told her his son was sick unto death and needed immediate medical funds. My friend sent me the email and we checked this imposter out and reported him to the online service.He had a new blog up with new pictures within a day.There are literal rings of people all over the world who do this sort of thing. These types of people prey on the naïve and broken hearted.So there are surely piranhas out there. A good rule of thumb, don’t give anyone pertinent information about yourself, your passwords, bank info, ss #, private email addresses, etc.These bad boys/girls have learned the art of patience and will take their time getting to know their victim and all their personal information.
My prayer for you:“I am not sure what I can do for you, or what I can say, but rest assured that Jesus loves you, and I will surely pray”.I love you dearest ones who are going through broken hearts, and send a huge cyber hug to you right now (((((HUGS JUST FOR YOU))))) !!
Donna/Donsie copyrighted material 5/3/11
email me at: donnatrex@yahoo.com
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